tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74735383396186012762024-03-05T11:49:59.442-08:00Free to Be: Transcending the Gender Binarycoco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-16780989074810995182016-05-08T16:28:00.000-07:002016-05-08T16:35:32.178-07:00What Mothering Day Means to Us<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Today many of us queer families with parents who are non-binary may struggle with the word "mother" often used to describe us, the heteronormativity of the way this holiday is promoted, the question of what day celebrates us, and the (extra) misgendering we may face if we celebrate this holiday. In my family, we celebrate both myself, a non-binary parent, and my wife, a mom. It started with the tradition of celebrating both of us on Mothers' Day before I came out as non-binary. Am I a mother? Ermm...I am a parent. My parent name happens to be Mama. Do I mother? Very much so. Though Mothers' Day is the day we are sure to spend together and celebrate somehow, our kids tend to wish us a happy Fathers' Day as well, and sometimes give us cards, because we are the parents they have. We do "dad" stuff and "mom" stuff. It's silly, of course, how gendered aspects of parenting are. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Years ago, my wife and our two (the third was not born yet) children went to a Unitarian Universalist service on Mothers' Day. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">While
I was aware that Unitarian Universalists claim to be an accepting and
welcoming community, I was happily surprised by the sermon. The sermon
was titled <b>“Mothering is a Verb.”</b> The minister told her own story of struggling to understand, and learning to accept that gender is a "spectrum." She spoke about different types of families,
“some with two moms, some with two dads, some with a mom and a dad who
used to be a mom." She spoke of Mothers' Day being about people (any
gender) who are mothering, rather than about cis women who are mothers. Not
only did I feel accepted as a queer family, but also I found myself
pondering the ways others have been mothering to me, regardless of
their gender identity. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So this goes out to my mama, who has always shown me unconditional love, through all the happy times and all the hard times. This goes out to my wife--I am so lucky to be a coparent with such an amazing, kind, insightful, and loving woman. This goes out to all those who have mothered me in different ways and at different times--friends, aunts, grandparents, mentors. This goes out to all those who are missing their mothers (or mothering person), whether they have died, become estranged, been separated by prison, or borders. This goes out to mothers who have lost children for any of those reasons as well. This goes out to all the people who care for, nurture, teach, lead, and accept their friends and loved ones, especially when in the absence of a nurturing parent--it means so much. This goes out to those hurting today because they did not have a loving or caring mother. This goes out to non-binary parents, transgender parents, dad-only families, adoptive families who may have complicated feelings about the holiday. This goes out to struggling mothers and parents. This goes out to folks who long to mother. I wish all a peaceful mothers' day, whether you celebrate it or it's just another day.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This beautiful song is by<em> </em>Anohni (the name listed is her former band name).</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="st"><em></em></span> </span></span><br />
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coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-68142270587078158312016-01-29T00:29:00.003-08:002016-02-17T17:36:58.764-08:00Non-binary Identities are Valid<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As a non-binary trans person, my gender is invalidated from almost every direction. After all, my gender identity has been invalidated since I was a little kid and I was told in one way or another, over and over again, that I was supposed to be a girl. When I was 19, I was told I could either be a lesbian or a transgender male, but that talking about anything else in between or different was "weird" "gross" "freaky" and outwardly laughed at. After that, I pretty much stopped talking about it for 10 years. Today, being open and generally "out" as non-binary, I am invalidated when people use the wrong pronouns, call me "miss" or "ma'am" or "lady," refer to me as part of a group of women, etc. It's one thing to be invalidated by strangers. That's easier to shrug off. It's another thing to be invalidated by people closer to you. These seemingly small things remind me every day that I am not seen as who I really am.<br />
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Some ways to combat non-binary erasure in your everyday life:<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>Avoid assuming people's gender!</b> This is a good idea all around. </li>
<li><b>Practice using gender-neutral language!</b> Don't use "ladies" or "gentlemen" or other gendered words for a group of people if you aren't certain of each individual's gender. How about "folks" or "everyone"? Don't use "sir" or "ma'am" or other gendered words for people you don't know (sometimes when I get "ma'amed" I want to poke people in the eye! No offense. I probably won't.) Don't say "boys and girls," or "ladies and gents." How about, "children," or "my good people!" </li>
<li><b>Don't assume pronouns</b>, and use the correct pronouns <a href="http://transcendingthebinary.blogspot.com/2015/09/personal-pronouns-pretty-please.html">even if they are challenging for you</a>! </li>
<li><b>Remember to consider non-binary people</b> when talking about gender issues and/or trans issues. If you are talking about bathrooms, for example, remember that the issue is not just about allowing people to use the facility that matches their gender, it is also about non-binary people not having an option that matches their gender at all! When discussing children, parenting, and schools, don't forget that some of those trans kids may be non-binary! </li>
</ul>
Model this for your children, for your friends and family, and your coworkers! <br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
</ul>
Non-binary people exist and are valid.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzDNvnugRFinFs45RUUbBJSrLBO6MyqiYCigeqrpbX748ERp_Vqa7JVtaRMrAsjgY2tPHqwLkMW270sex1_-lvgFM1hNmQPGRjxKaFWJcAdbuC09_YIQM6p7xrtOpTm41r3K465tE57jY/s1600/donoterasenonbinarypeople.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzDNvnugRFinFs45RUUbBJSrLBO6MyqiYCigeqrpbX748ERp_Vqa7JVtaRMrAsjgY2tPHqwLkMW270sex1_-lvgFM1hNmQPGRjxKaFWJcAdbuC09_YIQM6p7xrtOpTm41r3K465tE57jY/s320/donoterasenonbinarypeople.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: drawing of a person with their hands raised and eyes closed,<br />a solemn look on their face. A banner below says "DO NOT ERASE NON BINARY<br />PEOPLE."] image from <a href="http://www.redbubble.com/people/dakshinadeer?ref=artist_title_name">dakshinadeer on Redbubble.com</a></span></td></tr>
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There are many different non-binary identities that people might claim, and sometimes people might change what they say their gender is (I used to use the term genderfluid, because my gender feels fluid in some ways, but I stopped using that when I realized that I do not experience my gender fluctuating from one gender to another as clearly as many people do who identify as genderfluid). Even if someone is uncertain about their gender or changes their mind about what term to use, their identity is valid. It can be confusing to explore all these different new terms in a world where we were taught the binary was the only way.<br />
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Why are some people so skeptical of non-binary identities? <br />
<br />
Well, to start with the obvious, we were raised in a society that says there are only two genders--male and female. It can be hard to unlearn these concepts that have been so ingrained starting in early childhood.<br />
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Unfortunately, it is not just cis people who erase or invalidate non-binary identities. Some binary trans people are not accepting of non-binary trans people. I hope this is not the case for the most part, and I haven't experienced this in my personal life, but I certainly have run into this online. This especially comes up when someone doesn't want to or can't medically transition, or when they don't want to fully medically transition (this also affects binary trans people who can't or don't want to medically transition).<br />
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Sometimes this invalidation comes from other non-binary people! Look out for the gender police! Are you trans enough? Are you genderqueer the same way as me? I think this comes from internalized transphobia and feeling insecure about one's own identity being validated. It's sad when I see this happen, though.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/57146222.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/57146222.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: the face of a snarling wolf and the words, "NO GENDER POLICE ALLOWED."]</span></td></tr>
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If you are skeptical of non-binary identities, whether intentional or not, do some research. Non-binary people have existed throughout world history. The rise of patriarchal oppressive (and often Christian) governments and ruling class is what snuffed out the visibility of trans people, as being trans was considered a threat to the ruling class of men, and seen as a pagan practice. Joan of Arc, for example, was burned at the stake because they would not cease dressing in men's clothing, and were therefore considered pagan and dangerous to the patriarchy. Many Native American tribes also recognize more than two genders, as do/did many other cultures around the world. If you are interested in learning more, an excellent starting point is Leslie Feinberg's "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Warriors-Making-History-Dennis/dp/0807079413">Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman.</a>" I know there are many other books and works out there on this subject that I have yet to explore! If you have some to suggest, please share them in the comments!</div>
coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-15460481738244498562015-11-20T15:28:00.002-08:002016-02-17T17:27:28.949-08:00Transgender Day of Remembrance & Resilience 2015<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv6Q214sK53YaU5PWn0DoSZkhgmkUbfKPwViXWxEucVBaqS6VaKC1rT1_JVzT0-avFxIK7fe5Jkn6CC5RwjHBvnl0r0DFKUjU4W0OwaQlYS4tX1LnTRlpSlR6glNsi_tr7Sw22454Yz6Y/s1600/transdayremembrance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv6Q214sK53YaU5PWn0DoSZkhgmkUbfKPwViXWxEucVBaqS6VaKC1rT1_JVzT0-avFxIK7fe5Jkn6CC5RwjHBvnl0r0DFKUjU4W0OwaQlYS4tX1LnTRlpSlR6glNsi_tr7Sw22454Yz6Y/s640/transdayremembrance.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: a lit candle with the image of the transgender flag across it and the words "Transgender Day of Remembrance" above.]</span></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Today is <b>Transgender Day of Remembrance/Resilience.</b> Over 271 trans people were murdered this past year. We know the number is higher, as many of these tragedies go unreported.<a href="http://transrespect.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/EN_TvT-TMM-Namelist-TDOR-2015-Oct-2014-Sep-2015.pdf"> Here is a list and some brief details about the lives lost</a>. The folks most at risk for being victims of violence are trans feminine people of color. We also must remember those whose lives were lost to suicide. <a href="http://www.speakingofsuicide.com/2015/01/02/transgender-suicide/">That number is much higher.</a> We must also fight for those still here and struggling. Trans sex workers, immigrants, prisoners, youth, and trans people with disabilities all face heightened oppression and violence. Tonight, my family and I will go to a vigil to honor the lives lost and support our community (for those of you in Eugene, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/189253681414213/">here is the event</a>). I'm remembering a phrase I read on a Micah Bazant poster for <a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/the-transgender-crucible-20140730">Cece McDonald</a>: "Honor our dead and fight like hell for the living!" That has been ringing in my ears. That is what this day is about. </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWqvw_opTcShAxTc2rxRVSP3sQBiH3KQ5NiBp6uf7-0p0gg37zQ7RZHlMjQJBaWU7VhB0NXKPq5FGxdRCHvcYCmOWw_Ym-asdCzcnCVsg-kuhYosOWLhNPtqjOuGEjms3U7yVxARkDfuw/s1600/RememberTransPower-Bazant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWqvw_opTcShAxTc2rxRVSP3sQBiH3KQ5NiBp6uf7-0p0gg37zQ7RZHlMjQJBaWU7VhB0NXKPq5FGxdRCHvcYCmOWw_Ym-asdCzcnCVsg-kuhYosOWLhNPtqjOuGEjms3U7yVxARkDfuw/s640/RememberTransPower-Bazant.jpg" width="411" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://micahbazant.bigcartel.com/">Poster by Micah Bazant </a></span>[image description: a painting of two trans feminine people of color standing each with a hand on their hip and an arm around each other. An outline of a city-scape and cop cars are seen behind them. The words "Remember Trans Power. Fight for trans Lives." are written above.]</span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">There are many good people who would like to be or claim to be allies to the transgender community. There are members of the trans community like myself who do not face nearly the same amount of oppression and violence as some of our more marginalized trans siblings. We must all come together and find ways to fight for trans justice and freedom.<span style="font-size: large;"> Today, I challenge you to ask yourself:</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><b>What are you doing to support the trans community? What are you doing to protect trans lives? </b></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqaRwQCfweeyDou6O0EiBJvMvVJAsVPNO1E3nCm1NrcvQQ8oBykMjJkWPds8Bw5M8hfM160-o2g2KykLgmmnXaTXuT278AkLxpzRlhFNkjRCRAEvO4WodN_yBe4WUpvxbxK0MhaSUXkw/s1600/transpower+rommytorrico.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMqaRwQCfweeyDou6O0EiBJvMvVJAsVPNO1E3nCm1NrcvQQ8oBykMjJkWPds8Bw5M8hfM160-o2g2KykLgmmnXaTXuT278AkLxpzRlhFNkjRCRAEvO4WodN_yBe4WUpvxbxK0MhaSUXkw/s640/transpower+rommytorrico.jpg" width="388" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Poster by Rommy Torrico for the TransLatin@ Coalition in the USA and the <a href="http://tdor.co/">Transgender Day of Resilience Art Project</a>.<span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: a poster of an angel of a trans feminine person of color floating above a cityscape looking up with one arm raised and flowers in their hand. A banner above reads "Trans Power" and the words around their halo say, "in celebration and honor of trans lives." The words to their left are "resistance, amor, community, seguridad, strength, orgullo," and to the right are, "power, felicidad, belleza, liberation, celebration." A banner at the bottom of her white gown reads, "Trans is Beautiful." The words on the dark buildings below read "Death, violence, persecution, detention, fear, humiliation, rape."] </span></td></tr>
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coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-14552006607208874192015-10-08T23:19:00.001-07:002016-02-17T17:25:12.721-08:00Existence as Rebellion: Black Trans Lives Matter!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://prod01-cdn06.cdn.firstlook.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/06/Jannicet-Guti%C3%A9rrez-twitter-810x540.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://prod01-cdn06.cdn.firstlook.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2015/06/Jannicet-Guti%C3%A9rrez-twitter-810x540.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">[Image Description: <a href="http://www.washingtonblade.com/2015/06/25/exclusive-i-interrupted-obama-because-we-need-to-be-heard/">Jennicet Guitiérrez</a> waves a transgender <br />flag (pink, blue, and white stripes), wearing a shirt that reads:<br /> "Mi existir es resistir," with people waving trans and rainbow<br />flags in the background.]</span></td></tr>
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Black trans women are facing a daily threat of violence in the U.S. If you don't already know that by now, please realize you need some new news sources (a good place to start will be some of the articles I link to in this post!). The number of <a href="http://www.advocate.com/transgender/2015/07/27/these-are-trans-women-killed-so-far-us-2015">trans people (mostly trans women of color) murdered in the U.S. this year has reached 22</a>. That's only the murders we know about. It doesn't include the cases where the victim was not reported as being transgender and it doesn't include the many other tragic deaths from suicides, overdoses, homelessness, etc. This doesn't take into account what trans women face in <a href="http://www.vice.com/read/transgender-immigrants-still-face-rampant-abuse-in-us-detention-centers-708">immigration centers</a> and <a href="http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2014/06/17/op-ed-why-lgbtq-deportations-still-equals-death">in deportation</a>. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://titsandsass.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://titsandsass.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/6.jpg" height="320" width="281" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">[Image description: Actress Kitana Kiki Rodriguez stands<br />in the forground with her hand on her hip, and actress Mya<br />Taylor stands behind her, against a brightly painted wall] from <br />Magnolia Pictures' <i>Tangerine.</i></span></td></tr>
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I recently watched the film <a href="http://titsandsass.com/tangerine-2015/"><i>Tangerine</i></a>. It is an amazing film, shot on an iphone, but more impressively (because sadly this is unusual) the characters were played by actors who are trans women of color. It is a film about trans women of color who are sex workers, their (mis)adventures, the way society interacts with them, and most of all their friendship. The acting was fantastic and the characters felt really real to me. The film does not focus on violence this population faces, but it does show some of the harsh realities. These characters (as often happens from really good movies or books, and sometimes TV shows--ehem<i>--Sense8</i>) stayed with me for the next several days, during which I read the news of Kiesha Jenkins being beaten and then shot to death. I thought about the strength of the characters in the film <i>Tangerine</i> and I thought about the strength of all the trans women of color I have come into contact with, both in real life and through online trans support communities; the strength necessary to face such a violent world everyday. I thought about the lives lost, the constant threat of violence, and my heart broke to pieces, again. The visibility in movies like <i>Tangerine</i> is wonderful, the dialogue through hashtags such as <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lourdes-ashley-hunter/every-breath-a-black-tran_b_6631124.html">#BlackTransLivesMatter</a> and <a href="http://static1.squarespace.com/static/53f20d90e4b0b80451158d8c/t/555cced8e4b03d4fad3b7ea3/1432145624102/merged_document_2+%25281%2529.pdf">#SayHerName</a> is important, but the hate crimes and violence are still more prevalent than ever.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/12096542_1504235129887869_274671001819867587_n-640x640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/12096542_1504235129887869_274671001819867587_n-640x640.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[Image Description: A selfie photo of Kiesha Jenkins, wearing <br />
a black shirt and a black hat, smiling with her hand next to her <br />
face, with black and blonde hair under a black brim of a hat]</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
This is a CRISIS. <b>We all need to take action to stop this from happening</b>. Here is a really great article written by a latina trans woman, Lexi Adsit: <b>"<a href="http://www.autostraddle.com/24-actions-you-need-to-take-to-help-trans-women-of-color-survive-300526/">24 Actions You NEED to Take to Help Trans Women of Color Survive</a>.</b>" This is something I think everyone must read. There ARE things you can do to make a difference. Don't just say, "That's sad," and move on. <a href="http://theequalitychronicle.blogspot.com/2015/10/how-to-be-trans-ally-as-told-by-trans.html">Be an ally</a>. Talk to your kids about gender diversity, trans issues, and racism. Speak out against oppression, transmisogyny, transphobia, racism, and bigotry. As it says on the <a href="http://www.twocc.us/">TransWomen of Color Collective</a> website, "Every breath a trans person of color takes is an act of revolution." It is up to all of us to actively work for the safety of trans people, especially trans women of color. It is important to recognize the intersections of oppression and discrimination. Trans people of color face more violence, incarceration, joblessness, homelessness, and murders than white trans people. It is important to recognize this and work to be better allies and more inclusive in trans spaces, as well as everywhere else. <b>We must always lift up the voices and fight for the rights of the most oppressed.</b></div>
coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-32372898964678173162015-10-02T01:42:00.000-07:002015-10-02T02:19:56.585-07:00Dear Cis Friends<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>Dear cis friends,</i><br />
Relating to my experience based on being a
gender non-conforming cis person, or disagreeing with gender roles, is
really only a vague frame of reference. It most definitely is not the
same thing, so please be careful with saying that you "completely
relate" or "totally understand," because unless you are actually trans,
you don't. Not completely, not totally. I am <b>not</b> a woman who is gender non-conforming, I am a non-binary trans person. I
<b>do not choose </b>to be non-binary because it's a way of fighting the binary, it
is just WHO I AM. Saying that you "totally get it" and then talking
about being a cis person who doesn't conform to gender roles is another
way in which my gender is invalidated.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhonDVB4pBn23Z6XnfmvsipdH8uWt4-xfCQeEkWyUpsTA6cyNVT3m1ECY4IRETdaKry02UOBEmsUdUuwwpMXFEFchHguh5bofvsbw08jL5UcUcmENhwu1ftQo0FvZDwGNTDD3SeP_6Tlzs/s1600/donoterasenonbinarypeople.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhonDVB4pBn23Z6XnfmvsipdH8uWt4-xfCQeEkWyUpsTA6cyNVT3m1ECY4IRETdaKry02UOBEmsUdUuwwpMXFEFchHguh5bofvsbw08jL5UcUcmENhwu1ftQo0FvZDwGNTDD3SeP_6Tlzs/s320/donoterasenonbinarypeople.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: drawing of a person with their hands raised and eyes closed,<br />a solemn look on their face. A banner below says "DO NOT ERASE NON BINARY<br />PEOPLE."] image from <a href="http://www.redbubble.com/people/dakshinadeer?ref=artist_title_name">dakshinadeer on Redbubble.com</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
That being said, I'm happy to talk with you about how ridiculous gender roles are, and how the gender binary system is a big load of crap!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ1Vutu7Date70XJTxMVf47Ny9KpYfcDBMf0oKCdLl-je1odbw3LjMLKS97lRbaR_KFPkZ6n7r_Y9LfxGQNkY-mW0bipxuRQLOQNN3zjMcLGfGQnmpGSwG2YgW1iDa9L-YFlLUsNT6gDY/s1600/fuckgenderroles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ1Vutu7Date70XJTxMVf47Ny9KpYfcDBMf0oKCdLl-je1odbw3LjMLKS97lRbaR_KFPkZ6n7r_Y9LfxGQNkY-mW0bipxuRQLOQNN3zjMcLGfGQnmpGSwG2YgW1iDa9L-YFlLUsNT6gDY/s1600/fuckgenderroles.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: Pink block text that reads: "FUCK GENDER ROLES" and a heart.]</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-1324761831281967242015-09-23T23:38:00.001-07:002015-09-24T10:31:20.014-07:00Personal Pronouns, Pretty Please!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">'He' and 'she' just don't cut it for some of us, but fortunately there are other options! Those of us living outside of the binary may choose pronouns you aren't used to using or haven't heard of before! So, cis friends, some requests: </span></span><br />
<b>Please don't complain about non-binary pronouns (or changes in binary pronouns). </b><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://d2a2wjuuf1c30f.cloudfront.net/product_photos/11819945/DSC_0151_original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://d2a2wjuuf1c30f.cloudfront.net/product_photos/11819945/DSC_0151_original.jpg" width="221" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: six nametags reading: Hello, Address <br />me as (blank) Please Use: They, Them, Theirs; He, Him, <br />His; (blank); She, Her, Hers; Ze, Hir, Hirs; Xe, Xem, Xyrs]</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I think most trans people can acknowledge that changing pronouns can be challenging, and that it can take time to get used to using pronouns you haven't heard of before (like, maybe, ey/em/eir/eirs/eirself or xe/xir/xir/xirs/xirself). My personal pronouns are they/them/their/theirs/themself. Personally, I don't want to correct people all the time, so please just practice and hold yourself accountable. If you mess up, just briefly apologize and correct yourself. Please don't dwell on it. And seriously, don't complain about it! What does that do but make your trans friend feel guilty for asking to be acknowledged as who they are?! If you want to be an awesome ally and friend, one thing you can do is practice using the correct pronouns. As I told my friends, go ahead and talk about me! Lol. There are websites that can help you practice different pronouns, too, like the <b><a href="http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/">pronoun dressing room</a></b>, which also has a pretty good sized list of personal pronoun options. (a note: if you are practicing with they/them pronouns on that website, click "plural." Even though it is singular, the common way to use it is as though it were plural, grammar-wise.)<br />
<br />
It should go without saying, but unfortunately this needs to be said, too:<br />
<b>Don't argue with someone about their pronouns. </b>It's not up to you what pronouns people use. Using the correct pronouns is a matter of respect. Don't complain about grammar (seriously, 'singular they' has been used in language for a long time.... person 1: "My friend just got into a car accident!" person 2: "Oh no, are they okay?"). Don't tell someone their pronouns aren't real. We live in a society that has been oppressively shaped by patriarchy where only "he" and "she" are recognized as valid. Non-binary people deserve to exist and be acknowledged for who they are, and sometimes creating new pronouns or using less common pronouns is one way to do that. Just because someone's personal pronouns haven't made it into the dictionary yet, doesn't mean they aren't real! Saying so is just close-minded. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://40.media.tumblr.com/443d9cb503d0dfceb1e3cd23ec02256b/tumblr_nbnz71CeSi1t1brz9o1_540.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://40.media.tumblr.com/443d9cb503d0dfceb1e3cd23ec02256b/tumblr_nbnz71CeSi1t1brz9o1_540.png" height="251" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: Text: Pronoun Dos and Don'ts: When someone asks you to use a different pronoun: DON'T: cartoon of a person saying, "What? 'Zie' isn't a real pronoun. Don't you have something more normal that you use? DON'T: Cartoon of a person saying "But it's not grammatically correct to use 'they' as a singular pronoun." WHY? You are not being asked to evaluate this person's gender identity or preferred terminology. (Also, I have not yet witnessed a verson of this conversation in which the person arguing is actually correct.)] from <i>Robot Hugs</i>. <a href="http://robothugscomic.tumblr.com/post/97107162945/new-comic-pronouns-right-super-weird-little">http://robothugscomic.tumblr.com/post/97107162945/new-comic-pronouns-right-super-weird-little</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Non-binary trans people don't choose their pronouns to make life difficult for cis people. We choose our pronouns to feel validated as who we are. We choose different pronouns because "he" or "she" never felt right. If you have never had to think about your pronouns, if your pronouns are in the dictionary and used by society at large, that is a privilege that many non-binary folks don't have.<br />
<br />
Not all non-binary people choose to change their personal pronouns, and some choose to change to a different binary pronoun. This doesn't make their gender any less valid than anyone else's. Personal pronouns are a personal choice.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://sexualitygender.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/you-had-me-at_storyimage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://sexualitygender.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/you-had-me-at_storyimage.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: a cartoon of two characters sitting close and facing <br />each other, one saying, "You had me at 'What gender pronoun<br /> d'you prefer?'..." with a pink heart as the background] from:<br /><a href="http://rewriting-the-rules.com/2013/09/23/diva-article-on-non-binary-gender/">http://rewriting-the-rules.com/2013/09/23/diva-article-on-non-binary-gender/</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
One more thing: it is okay to ask someone what pronouns they prefer! It is often suggested that you start by giving yours. I would say, "Hi, I'm Coco. My personal pronouns are they/them. What are yours?" or something like that. Some cis people might think this is an inappropriate question because they think that their gender is "obvious" but the truth is, you can never really tell. If they are offended by the question, it is because of cisnormative conditioning, and it's about time we all start breaking down those walls.</div>
coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-88149052159770559132015-09-18T01:43:00.000-07:002015-09-18T01:50:26.524-07:00Gender Diverse Comics<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've come across some great comics about gender diversity lately, and I want to share a few of them with you! So here they are! <i>Do you have favorite webcomics about trans issues or featuring gender diverse characters? Please share them in the comments!</i><br />
<br />
<b>Assigned Male</b><br />
<a href="http://assignedmale.tumblr.com/"><i>Assigned Male</i></a> is a
webcomic about a young transgender girl named Stephie, written by
Sophie Labelle. Stephie is
clever, kind, playful, and fierce. She is a great advocate for herself
and her peers, and educates everyone around her on trans issues. The
reader sees Stephie respond to instances of bullying, transphobia,
transmisogyny, and misinformation with frustration, rage, sadness, and a
sense of justice. It also deals with family acceptance--her dad
fumbles, but cares; her mom is a strong bisexual role model. This
webcomic is educational, inspirational, moving, and entertaining. You
can follow <i>Assigned Male</i> on facebook for excellent memes and the occasional bonus comic. <a href="http://assignedmale.tumblr.com/">http://assignedmale.tumblr.com</a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWfMfT9mXcyhksaVK-Js_DOuLUsDg6c4zUkJzTn2V113FmXvs0ETWPxKOmNmM61argWP3Mk8bd9DWm9MkY_Pjp2why9iaDYQn7h94XsoP4pokcLw3lhxdLFWPuBQLl7wuxoE8Kk8mwiZ8/s1600/static1.squarespace.com.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWfMfT9mXcyhksaVK-Js_DOuLUsDg6c4zUkJzTn2V113FmXvs0ETWPxKOmNmM61argWP3Mk8bd9DWm9MkY_Pjp2why9iaDYQn7h94XsoP4pokcLw3lhxdLFWPuBQLl7wuxoE8Kk8mwiZ8/s640/static1.squarespace.com.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: first frame: a mother with short magenta hair sitting on a bus with her daughter who has long brown hair and is smiling. The mother asks: "So what are you going to buy with the money you just earned?" Her daughter responds: "I'll buy books about the cisgendered!" Second frame: a close up on Stephie (daughter), smiling slightly, saying: "This evening was an eye-opening experience. I want to learn more about them, so I can be a good ally." Third frame: Mom and Stephie on the bus. With one eyebrow raised, her mom says: "Didn't we have a discussion about sarcasm recently?" and Stephie replies with arms out in front of her and eyebrows raised, "We agreed I could do it 15 minutes a day!"]<br /><a href="http://www.assignedmale.com/comic/2015/9/8/5aik72zbk686a0fcwphhw3tuz67lzy">http://www.assignedmale.com/comic/2015/9/8/5aik72zbk686a0fcwphhw3tuz67lzy</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<b>Justin Hubbell</b><br />
<a href="http://www.justinhubbell.com/">Justin Hubbell</a> is
the author of this mostly autobiographical webcomic. Sometimes silly,
sometimes serious and social-justice focused, often personal. The more
recent strips have been about coming out as genderqueer. These strips
are uplifting, honest, and empowering. Previous strips have focused on
depression and suicide, his relationship, becoming a pet owner,
unpacking privilege, and coming to terms with her own feminism (see <i>Orcs Vs Feminism</i> in the archives). <a href="http://www.justinhubbell.com/">http://www.justinhubbell.com</a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPNtyKBw7hkolJrNtafIlWgpytcQ7J-0x5vO_qd0pv2qTT15ycMUnz58vH8Ed-EQMJLIAXH2P9dsQvwzwvdVuMSxDAhrDjKKmrjyJkLp6cungEeGJM5C6Swk7NS5XLYpdoc4x6Vm_0BZk/s1600/justinhubbell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPNtyKBw7hkolJrNtafIlWgpytcQ7J-0x5vO_qd0pv2qTT15ycMUnz58vH8Ed-EQMJLIAXH2P9dsQvwzwvdVuMSxDAhrDjKKmrjyJkLp6cungEeGJM5C6Swk7NS5XLYpdoc4x6Vm_0BZk/s640/justinhubbell.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: a drawing of the author's face, frowning slightly, eyebrows raised. Light blue background. Words on either side of picture read: "I fell under attack by a special cocktail of depression and internalized transphobia."] <a href="http://www.justinhubbell.com/not-a-race-longform/">http://www.justinhubbell.com/not-a-race-longform/</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Rooster Tails</b><br />
<a href="http://www.roostertailscomic.com/"><i>Rooster Tails</i></a> is a webcomic by Sam Orchard about a transguy and his genderqueer companion, and sometimes their cats.
This webcomic is also at least semi-autobiographical. It
deals with coming out as transgender after being known as a lesbian,
medically transitioning, being a queer and trans couple, dysphoria,
depression, romance, and more. It is sweet, funny, and often poignant. <a href="http://www.roostertailscomic.com/">http://www.roostertailscomic.com</a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiGynA2He_ZtRIngbA9Rkyo0sOK2BHyY-7molB5FeMVtThlu7YKwZeTB2v97Qm5XCiZ3Qq8YUYsMcQlFjsn4poiRnnmYYvbIajDDNjbB5Ql-PB6_mGUX88z1MTyxfsPD0gPYzpet4YDHo/s1600/roostertails.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="481" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiGynA2He_ZtRIngbA9Rkyo0sOK2BHyY-7molB5FeMVtThlu7YKwZeTB2v97Qm5XCiZ3Qq8YUYsMcQlFjsn4poiRnnmYYvbIajDDNjbB5Ql-PB6_mGUX88z1MTyxfsPD0gPYzpet4YDHo/s640/roostertails.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">[image description: 1st frame: Sam and Joe stand together smiling, Sam's arm around Joe's shoulder. Sam says: "Yaaay! It's your T-shot day again!" Joe: "Yeh! Yay!" 2nd frame: Sam stands behind Joe with his arms around him, both smiling. Sam says: "Was it ok? How do you feel? You feeling good? Joe: "Ummm..." 3rd frame: Sam holds Joe close, smiling with eyes closed, Joe's mouth is open in surprise, and the words "rub rub rub" are around them. Sam: "mmm..." Joe: "Uhh...Sam?" 4th frame: Sam and Joe face each other, smiling, hands out in front of them. Joe: "What are you doing?" Sam: "I was hoping the T would rub off on me!"] <a href="http://www.roostertailscomic.com/comic/t-jealousy/">http://www.roostertailscomic.com/comic/t-jealousy/</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
****Each of these webcomics are currently updated weekly!**** </div>
<br />
Please share your favorite trans and gender diverse webcomics in the comments! I've only just begun to explore the webcomic world... </div>
coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-19794800157715913142015-09-13T16:12:00.001-07:002015-09-13T16:12:52.120-07:00Growing Up Non-binary at the Turn of the Century <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As far back as I can remember, I have known that I did not fit into
"female" or "male" categories. It wasn't until I was an adult, however,
that I realized there were others who, like me, were neither male nor
female. To be clear: I'm not talking about genitals or chromosomes
(which are truly none of anybody's business). <b>Gender is not the same thing as biological sex.</b>
Gender is much harder to define. It is an internal sense of self. (I
will go more into working definitions of gender another time.)<br />
<br />
As
a 5 year old, I requested to be called "Johnny" and insisted I was a
boy. After a while, this phased out, but I never lost the feeling that I
was not really a girl. My mom enlightened me on how radical, strong,
smart, and brave women can be. This was really important for me to see,
but it didn't make me feel any more female. I longed to cut my hair
short; I hated to dress in "feminine" clothing. I continued, however, to
try to be a girl. That's what I was supposed to be.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij1zcE-KJg2sPwSN3q-QlTXN5GW-WIHfPWvw_GRQ5daldX3MuSlJ7G5qBiy7E7Y-X9oEcTy_IWraXS6OJuo7rxDLS0WVZxNva3VztGkAh8xUWemuHcbXU8TDJj_5UFxSuTAX-UMHwSYXE/s1600/little+coco.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij1zcE-KJg2sPwSN3q-QlTXN5GW-WIHfPWvw_GRQ5daldX3MuSlJ7G5qBiy7E7Y-X9oEcTy_IWraXS6OJuo7rxDLS0WVZxNva3VztGkAh8xUWemuHcbXU8TDJj_5UFxSuTAX-UMHwSYXE/s200/little+coco.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[image description: author as a young child, <br />
with blonde hair to their shoulders, wearing a jean jumper, <br />
and a black and green checkered baseball cap, smiling slightly.]</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I was teased for being masculine in elementary school
and middle school. I recall a classmate looking at me with disgust one
day and saying, "Your voice is really deep, like a boy's. And your nose
is big." My best friend was often invited to play with the girls, but I
was always ostracized. The girls didn't want to play with me, the boys
didn't want to play with me. I was fortunate to have one close friend at
school and one close friend in my neighborhood. In middle school, all I
wanted was to blend in. No matter how I tried, I didn't. There were a
few kids in 6th grade who were making fun of me, calling me a lesbian
and a freak. One day, I took my mom's advice and when I was called a
lesbian, I told that person to "grow up," but that didn't shut her up,
it provoked her to physically attack me. The name-calling continued
through middle school (and high school). I tried to reclaim the word
"Freak" as my own nickname in 8th grade. I didn't know at the time that
there were other people like me, or that <a href="http://katebornstein.typepad.com/">Kate Bornstein</a>,
an amazing gender non-conforming trans person, had discovered hir own
place outside the gender binary, and reclaimed the word freak as well
(oh what would life had been like had I known about Auntie Kate all
those years ago?!).<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSI00_BswhqA1kCBm5qWmPodf0flXmp4Kq1eQS5ewr-qHdtvqBhe2fgjgZNmzXJ82bImcE2YEg8kPtKoFkI3qtDWgN2oU3KEqALJrI3MnzMqSQDT9aP_0mNWldW7NEm85MvzFxRkPkKKc/s1600/6th+gd+coco.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSI00_BswhqA1kCBm5qWmPodf0flXmp4Kq1eQS5ewr-qHdtvqBhe2fgjgZNmzXJ82bImcE2YEg8kPtKoFkI3qtDWgN2oU3KEqALJrI3MnzMqSQDT9aP_0mNWldW7NEm85MvzFxRkPkKKc/s200/6th+gd+coco.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[image description: author at 12 yrs old, wearing a <br />
checkered red/blue suit jacket, grey tie, and short brown <br />
wig, holding an acoustic guitar and smiling largely.]</td></tr>
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In high school, I came out to most people as queer,
simply by ceasing to deny it when questioned/accused. At the time, I was
labelled a lesbian. I couldn't figure out why I didn't like that word.
Maybe part of it was my own internalized homophobia, but I think a big
part of it was that it lumped me in with a bunch of women. I still
didn't relate. In college, I found a queer group. I met some people who
were transgender. When I got brave enough to ponder my gender identity
out loud, I was told by one of the leaders of the group that I was
"either a dyke, or a tranny boy," but that there was nothing in between.
(Please note that dyke and tranny are both considered derogatory. I
included them because that is the language that was used, and I think
there was a lot of internalized homophobia and transphobia showing up in
that particular queer group).<br />
<br />
During/after college, I
started dressing "in drag" a lot. I would bind with an ace bandage and
draw on facial hair. I passed fairly easily as male, when I wanted to. I
called myself a "gender bender." That was the first term I actually
liked for myself. I started saying I was queer, which was more
comfortable because it was vague and didn't say anything about my
gender. I think I first heard the word "genderqueer" about four or five
years ago. I remember saying, "Yes, I am that!" At the time, I heard it
used only as a descriptor, like, "I'm a genderqueer woman." It was only a
year or so ago that I realized that I didn't have to define as either a
woman or a man, I could define as neither. I could simply say "I'm
genderqueer" or "I'm non-binary." That is my truth. For the first time
in my life, I am comfortable with my gender identity. I have masculine
traits and feminine moments, but truly I am neither male nor female. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmM6D6rb2RLWR-1Lju4qXU-B8gn1zGdzo8nMOHiIgJnTD_n3TvPpmpsbg6FgKaLh5DH_1H9E016wHniZY6YpfU9QJCOtZM86200JNoP900FAClA4U6Wv4dCUrHsCiNoNv-HYFKl_vgCx4/s1600/20+yr+coco.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmM6D6rb2RLWR-1Lju4qXU-B8gn1zGdzo8nMOHiIgJnTD_n3TvPpmpsbg6FgKaLh5DH_1H9E016wHniZY6YpfU9QJCOtZM86200JNoP900FAClA4U6Wv4dCUrHsCiNoNv-HYFKl_vgCx4/s200/20+yr+coco.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[image description: author at approx. 20 yrs old, brown hair <br />
to their chin, brown beard drawn on, wearing black blazer, white <br />
button down, and a tie. Looking to the side, serious expression.<br />
Behind them is a vase with flowers and a poster of a tree in bloom.]</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The Gender Binary is a system (created by society) in
which there are only two genders: male and female. Gender is actually
more complex and diverse than that. There are many gender identities
being claimed today. Each is valid. The only person who can determine
someone's gender is oneself. Non-binary means a gender that exists
outside of the binary of male and female. Genderqueer is also a blanket
term for gender that exists outside of the binary, but with a political
connotation in reclaiming the word "queer." Trans is short for
transgender and is an umbrella term covering any and all gender
identities that are not cis-male or cis-female (cis-gender means someone
identifies as the same gender they were assigned at birth based on
their sex organs). I am a genderqueer/non-binary trans person, and I am
proud to finally be embracing my gender. <br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEuCb8cXL94Tg2Bg7o9lgCS4muVn1q5P0cGx_gD-wwY1X8pkvwZivonFoQUGeeZFNyZaT4dzJ8OI40nIheZpsb-EXbRMW3see8xq4Qb4VYCBsnIGT9b-5YicejG5vANgEr0kef2QDzvmQ/s1600/CNvv47KUAAAkZmu.png_large.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="497" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEuCb8cXL94Tg2Bg7o9lgCS4muVn1q5P0cGx_gD-wwY1X8pkvwZivonFoQUGeeZFNyZaT4dzJ8OI40nIheZpsb-EXbRMW3see8xq4Qb4VYCBsnIGT9b-5YicejG5vANgEr0kef2QDzvmQ/s640/CNvv47KUAAAkZmu.png_large.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[image
description: left image: a person smiling and laughing, with black and
purple-ish hair, tan skin, grey sweater, lip piercings. Speech bubbles
around them from other directions say, "You're either a boy or a girl,"
"You're one or the other," "boy or girl," "You can't just be neither!"
Right: same person, expression serious and pupils red, saying, "Fucking
watch me!" source: <a href="http://fawningprince.tumblr.com/tagged/comics">Fawning Prince</a>]</td></tr>
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coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7473538339618601276.post-62106461253191134002015-09-09T22:45:00.000-07:002015-09-09T22:47:14.693-07:00Intention and Introduction<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My intention in creating this blog is both personal and educational. I intend to write about my personal experience as a non-binary person, about parenting against the grain in this oppressive society, and to share information and resources, especially related to trans issues.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGaJQV54uNRNiZoPreqtDSjY7v1zntRFHq5bmrRKUEmCb7qzeoBoMaRrCCELQULPSUyRxD_stotq5lwBnWXJKfUc2nz3PHSUR-ASo5TTznT2_EO6mLcTqSrE4IlkonfEhKrYBMkF-3dE/s1600/IMG_8848.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGaJQV54uNRNiZoPreqtDSjY7v1zntRFHq5bmrRKUEmCb7qzeoBoMaRrCCELQULPSUyRxD_stotq5lwBnWXJKfUc2nz3PHSUR-ASo5TTznT2_EO6mLcTqSrE4IlkonfEhKrYBMkF-3dE/s200/IMG_8848.JPG" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[image description: a waist-up photograph of the author, a non-binary white person <br />
with brown hair and glasses, standing outside under an apple tree wearing a blue t-shirt <br />
with dinosaurs and UFOs, with hands behind their head showing wrist tattoos, smiling.]</td></tr>
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I am a non-binary/genderqueer trans person. I am not an expert on trans issues. I can only speak for my own experience, and share what I learn from others. My entire life I have known that I do not identify as female or male, but it
was only in recent years that I began to have some terms to describe my gender. I am in the process of coming out more vocally about my non-binary gender and personal pronouns (they/them). It is a very personal matter, as gender really is only personal, but I truly believe "This above all: to thine own self be true" (Shakespeare). I hope that in writing here, I can raise some awareness and understanding on trans and non-binary identities and issues, help others with similar experiences feel less alone, and provide resources that could be helpful to allies, trans people, and parents of trans and gender-nonconforming kids.<br />
<br />
Depending on your knowledge of trans issues, you may have questions (or something to add) about some of the terms I use or subjects I talk about. I welcome questions and comments that are related to the post. I also want to remind readers that the internet, and hopefully your local library, have vast amounts of information that can be at your fingertips, if you take the time. <br />
<br />
I have a page of resources that you can look over, and I am hoping to create some book lists (that I'm sure will grow overtime).<br />
<br />
Here is my favorite little comic (by <a href="http://rainbowbruises.deviantart.com/">RainbowBruises</a>) to introduce a broader understanding of gender to cis-folks who are new to the idea. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_XEKH6RATTXQt1cRrXQMO0tQxRcQXZPG-m4cfxFD1epHtKGf8O_TeGX5dEcpm0Uuyf4nqAXEzWmu_jqNWWJe8eyKXjOudv7Xo6usqUwE7f-sGOyDJEayQolPW0DkmeCNUv_AorzjDqRc/s1600/gender+comic+higher+quality.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_XEKH6RATTXQt1cRrXQMO0tQxRcQXZPG-m4cfxFD1epHtKGf8O_TeGX5dEcpm0Uuyf4nqAXEzWmu_jqNWWJe8eyKXjOudv7Xo6usqUwE7f-sGOyDJEayQolPW0DkmeCNUv_AorzjDqRc/s320/gender+comic+higher+quality.jpg" width="280" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[image description: a comic showing a diverse selection of people, with the text: "women are women regardless of sex/ and men are men in the same respects/ you can be both or a mix of the two/ or you can be neither if that's what suits you/ but people are people whatever their parts/ because what really matters is inside of our hearts."]</td></tr>
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coco panhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13796018992074988687noreply@blogger.com3